I once had a dear friend

I am so proud of you, Mai!  You deserve all of this, Mai. This is a true testament of your hard work, patience and good heart. Keep safe always and don’t forget to pray. I miss you. Mwah! – These lines are music to my ears but what makes it more precious  is it came from a friend who had seen me at my worst – broken, struggled, suffered, betrayed, rejected and eventually survived, moved on and strived to be better.

I wish to hear those lines from her again but it will never happen, not in this lifetime.

Time has gone forever. But before I carry on, I have to write and feel the memories to always remember that I had once a dear friend.

She is a friend to lean on. She is rare and definitely for keeps. She is a friend that never I doubted her love and sincerity. I guess, our personality jived and we stayed good friends since college because we both are stubborn and complex but despite our complexity we love deeply and unconditionally. 

After college, we do not see often. We have our own lives, in different path. She is settled with a happy family while I am busy with my nomadic lifestyle but, still, the friendship remains.

We had been partners. If one of us is weak and is about to loss one's sanity, either of us would be strong to strike the balance, to think things objectively as it should be.

We never tolerated our mistakes. We both remind each other to do what is good and best. If one of us is not on the right path, we pull each other and make sure to be back on the right track.

We give the most harsh and honest comments to each other, she is good at it more than me though. But we always value those and find it the sweetest gesture. 

I can even remember, weeks after my Papa was diagnosed with cancer, she just popped up on Facebook and sent me this message: “Mai, pahulay –pahulay pud kay haggard na kau kag dagway. (Mai, take some time to rest because you look so haggard.)

She is a selfless friend that will never leave a friend behind and would even do the silliest things to make you happy.

Way back college, she with my friends tried to surprise me. They asked my crush to give me a rose and a big box of Toblerone while we were on an event but since I am more than wise when it comes to surprises. They failed, pissed off and ended up eating the chocolate. Stupid isn’t it? 

That’s how blessed and honored I am to have her.

But last October, I was shattered to hear that she got ill. Her body became so frail due to TB Meningitis. She can’t talk, move her body and even open her eyes.

I kept on calling her over the phone, assuring her that she have us, her friends aside from her family, and telling her she got cheerers, fighting alongside with her. I believed that she would get through it because that’s how I have known her – a warrior. 

She will always gives a good fight on her chosen battles.

Last December, I had the chance to visit her after coming back from my recent lone trip. I knew my heart will be broken seeing her suffer but I had to have the courage to see her and cheer her on in person.

Talking to her over the phone from the past months had been a torture but seeing her suffering was unimaginable beyond words.

She looked so frail. She was so skinny. You would give the impression that she would get only skinnier and littler each day. There was no sign of life in her flesh, only the barest traces of what had been once a good life with a heart-shaped tattoo on her chest that she had before we became friends.

I was sitting beside her with her husband and 5-year-old child Keisha. I noticed every detail of her and how her sickness changed her physically. Half of her head was bald due to the shunt surgery. She had tube on her nose since she was so sick to eat through her mouth. She can’t talk but as soon as she saw me, she was trying to utter words but her frail body can’t make it.

I called her name; she opened her eyes and I saw tears on her eyes. I didn’t know if she recognized me but I hope she knows that she is cared and loved the same way she does to me.

I tell you, with the nature of work I have, my heart had been broken many times, by hearing and seeing the struggles of people’s lives but seeing someone very close to you experiencing the unbearable pain was torture. But I have to fight back my emotions because she never wanted to see her family and friends uncomfortable. She would always remind us – her friends, to have fun and be crazy.

Before I left their home, I still had the chance to wipe her sweats, pull up the towel to cover her chest, put her stress balls on her hands and promised her to come back soon, hopeful that when I come back she will be feeling way better and start reading and replying to tons of get-well-soon messages on Facebook.

But later I knew, five days after my visit, it was the last time I saw her alive.

Rest in peace, Gretchen Tumindog- Bitayo.  I miss you big time but I have to be selfless, the way you taught me. I am totally letting you go today, a month after you died.

Greta with her big smiles. Mam, I miss hearing the Greta laugh. 

Death is not the opposite of life but it’s innate. – Haruki Marukami. 

Written under the pine trees of Dahilayan, Bukidnon while enjoying the tranquility of the forest,  seeing and overhearing the conversations of people enjoying the time with their  family and friends. 

I got one more angel in heaven!

with Greta, Jay, and Keisha when they visited us at  home last January 4, 2014. This was the last time I saw her in good shape. 

Wrote this under a big tree, while seating on a chair with a view of a wooden house and  on the right side of the house, there is a window where I can see vividly a portion of a white coffin. 

"This will be the most difficult task  - giving a eulogy for a dear friend.  And I hope this message gets thru despite my sobs. 

Yes, all those mentioned by the speakers ahead of me,  sharing how Greta had has touched your lives and how she was when she was still with us, are all true. I would like to affirm those. And that's how her friends from college know her. 

But before I continue, let me tell you that we may be only few here, attending the funeral but there are a lot of people who have shown love and care - sent their messages and prayers -  for Greta coming from all parts of the world. 

And up to her last days,  even after she died, we have seen how God , or  Magbabaya as the natives call it, works wonders. It was seen and felt by her friends and the people who even don't know her as a person, who she didn't know either. We were all moved by Greta's life. 

An example to this  is the generosity and kind-hearted friend from the USA  who felt a strong affinity to Greta, even if they don't know each other. She reached out and sent her help for Greta's recovery. With this message and photo that warms our heart.

"My grey world- dead grass, trees with no leaves , no sun and its freezing cold. Helping Greta and her family will brighten my day!," says my American friend.  This photo was taken early in the morning in Chicago, taken by my friend.

And as of this writing, all here friends from different circles continue to unite and support each other for Greta.   That's how dear she is to us. "Greta has been and will always be part of each on, her friends," says our common close friend, Cling. 

Personally, Greta, had been my lifeline in this lifetime, ever since I have known her.  She was my brutal and honest friend. She was one of my few friends who always give me harsh and honest comments and advices. 

In one my  last conversations with her, out of the blue, she asked me, "Gikapoy naka maging single noh? Tug-an ug tinood! (Are you tired of being single? Tell me the truth!)

I turned red. I replied, “Why are you so harsh. It's as if  I was slapped strongly on both sides of my face. And she just replied, “Anah man jud nang mga tinuod nga amiga oi, walay pasakayay, walay plastikanay,” (That’s what true friends are, no sugar coating.)

She was really consistent of her words.  She might have worries and don't want me to be an old maid. I know it sounds sarcastic to others but I find it sweet.  It was an endearment to us. 

I'll gonna miss the teasing, the conversation and those moments when we had to cheer up each other if one of us feels upset, mam. 

at Divisoria, where we used to kill our time, talking with the street kids 

Way back college, I had seen her as strong yet selfless friend.  One time, I had an empty pocket and she had her last money left from her allowance - a hundred pesos. She never hesitated to share it with me and we both survived for that day. 

And up to the months that  she was already sick, she still  thinks of the welfare of her friends and family, more than herself. And her being selfless never changed until the last days of her life. 

I am certain that in one way or another, Greta has all of us in so many ways.

She made us -her friends- stronger and closer, better than before, even if we are in different circles. Our experiences with her will always remind us  to be supportive to each other and  to keep the friendship intact despite our personal differences.

Greta, ever since had been known as warrior and fighter. And that legacy remains in me. She has been helping me survive  my personal battle, fighting my own demons.   She reminds me not to give up with life. And that legacy will never be taken away from me. 

I saw her a week before she died. I witnessed how she wanted to survive but her frail body wasn’t able to make it.

It was hard for me to accept seeing her frail body and much more of her passing. It didn't immediately sink in. I may not have the answers now why God got her too soon. 

Early morning after she died, I called her 5-year-old daughter, Keisha, to tell her, while trying to control my sob, how Papa Jesus loves her mother and that Papa Jesus is already taking care of her. But I was struck of her respond, saying, “Tita Mai, dili lang man si Mama iya love, kita man tanan.” (Tita Mai, Papa Jesus loves everyone not just mama.)

And I realized and said to her that, Yes, Papa Jesus loves everyone that He doesn’t want her mama and your family to suffer.

The conversation with Keisha gave me so much relief and assurance. And I think, for all her friends and family who love  her dearly, every time we miss her, we have to be reminded  to see the passing of Greta, through a child's perspective, through the eyes of Keisha. 

Mam,  I may not be able to hear you speak with your brutal and honest comments , see you and hear the Greta's trademark laugh anymore; and we may not have each other to lean on, listen to our frustrations, complexity of our personalities  but I know  I still got your back. 

Not as my  brutal and honest yet dear friend anymore but  as one of my angels in heaven, protecting me with all my adventures here on earth. 

It’s hard to say this but I have to be selfless, the same way you have thought us - I am letting you go. No more pain. No more sufferings for you, mam. 

And one last favor, mam,   please help me not to sob anymore, because my eyes are already swelling and if that happens, I may not find a boyfriend, which you desire for me to have. :P

Thank you, mam. My journey, your friend's and family's will never be the same without you. 

Farewell, Greta! You fought well, mam!"

As I was on my last words of my eulogy, with sobs in between, while  staring at the coffin, Keisha in white plane t-shirt, was running towards me calling me loudly, 'Tita Mai! Tita Mai" with her charismatic smile. I stared at her,  seeing Greta in her, then we tightly hugged each other.  

with Greta and my other lifelines

The one written here is not the exact words I shared, I made it shorter during the eulogy. 

Misadventure: Confined!

Day 5! My left hand is getting painful each day especially if the nurse injects fluids on the dextrose, which happens three times a day.

Imagine anticipating for a bee sting three times a day and that's for five days,
that's how it feels. And other than that you have to wake up, at four in the morning, because the nurse gets in and he has to get blood sample. (And of course being away from your family if your sick is another story. I have been monitoring my parents who are in Manila for a three-day check-up but they don't have any idea that I am talking with them while I'm in the hospital.)

I'm just glad my tolerance has not yet taking its toll. Thank you to Apo Whang-od for preparing me to this. Being inked by her is still the most painful I ever experienced. Nothing can beat that.

Isla Gigantes summer adventure

"Sometimes, it's about daring, in challenging the impossible.

Sometimes,  it's about losing yourself,  in finding a different perspective. 

And sometimes, it's really just about hanging out with your friends and be a kid all over again." - quoting  host Captain Joy Roa of my favorite travel show, Asian Air Safari. 

Three years ago, I officially started my personal-tradition of traveling alone to a place where I never been and,  to add to the challenge, I make sure that everyone is a stranger to me. Call it risky. But yes, that is how I recharge myself.

I travel to dare and find myself  back. But traveling to hang out had not been my consideration. But my recent adventure, during the Holy Week proved me wrong.

I realized that Asian Air Safari host is right,  sometimes it's really just about hanging out with friends and just enjoy each other.

Just this weekend, I dared to join  Hiligaynon - speaking strangers with their adventure.  They're  the friends of my friends which I haven't meet before.  I just knew two - my friend and workmate, Belle,  and her friend Armie, and the rest were total strangers to me. 

That's it!

I don't want to talk more, I just want this message to come across:  Sometimes,  dare to join your friends' friend adventures to enjoy and appreciate different individuals and at the same time enjoy God's wonders.

Here are some of the adventures and God's wonders, only in  a remote island and  not yet tourist(y),  Isla Gigantes.

Because of my love for adventures and the beaches, I joined my friend Belle and her friends to go to Isla Gigantes. It's an island in Iloilo, Visayas, Philippines.

At first, I had this hesitations as I used not to travel with so many people and especially with strangers as I don't want to stress myself out with so many people when travelling.

Belle and I were heading to the island. It's an hour and a half from Estancia, a remote rural municipality in Iloilo which I love to visit often.

After an hour and a half ride, we were welcomed by this beautiful and dramatic sunset view. And since the island is a remote coastal village, they don't have a wharf.  Locals and tourists really walk to the shore.

Aside from very hospitable locals, starfishes and sea snakes are there to welcome you. 

Since Belle and I went there late, we strolled around the beach and take sunset photos while her friends were still enjoying their time in the cave.

While waiting for them to arrive, we were entertained by the villagers.  The village doesn't have electricity. They use generator sets from 6:00 to 10:00 in the evening to charge their phones, batteries  and other equipment they need for fishing. 

 Since it's a remote village, there are no hotels for you to have that comfort and  good sleep but they can offer you their house and they will cook fresh seafood of your choice, as you requested.

And in a  few minutes, her friends arrived. I was shocked to see a lot of them. It's my first time to travel on large number. They were 11, including a child named Yinyin,  which made me think if I can get a long with them knowing they are not my usual crowd. 

Here are the amazing islets of Iloilo  that I enjoyed with my new-found friends: 

This scene will welcome you every morning.  The locals in the island are so blessed. They eat fresh seafood all the time. 

This is how they harvest my favorite crabs.

Antonia Beach 

Yes, it's right. What you are seeing is a hill of scallops. And mind you, I never seen this before from my beach adventures. I guess this is only here in Iloilo.

Antonia Beach is one of the best place for swimming. The clear waters is so inviting that you don't want to stop enjoying it. The sand is even finer than Boracay.

Whoops, please don't get me wrong.  Though the waters and sand are better than Boracay,  I love Boracay still knowing the accessibility and the feeling of happiness it gives me. 

The rock formations look like a tail of a big crocodile.  Lolong, are you reincarnated? :P

Cabugao gamay 

The front side of the islet. I don't want to say more. The photo itself speaks the beauty of this islet. 

The clear waters of this islet is the best. The sand is so fine. You will really be  hesitant to step into the sea waters, ashamed that it will get dirty. :P

The other side of Cabugao islet. Mind you, the islet will give you 360 degress of amazing beauty. 

The perfect cone

Another hills of shells. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, isn't it?

Tangke

The facade of dramatic Tanki. I can't get enough of this majestic view. This is definitely a must-visit. You should not miss this place. It's the most visited place for risk-taker adventurers.

The waters here is so deep that boatmen use compressors when they diAnd they said, sharks visit this place often.

The boatmen tying those ropes for their excited visitors to reach the place behind those rock formations as soon as possible.

It's God's wonder. Totally breathtaking. Tip: If you got a brave soul, try to climb those stiff and 'very' rough rock formations for you to have a high angle view of Tanki. 

These are just some of the islets that we visited.After Tanki, we visited two more islets but unfortunately my phone was drained that I never had the chance to take a photo.

With this trip, I dared, I challenged the impossible, I loosen  up, I opened myself to different individuals who gave me different perspectives and most importantly I found new friends. 

These are the people I was with.  And until now, I can't even memorize their names but the memories we had is treasured.   They're few of  my  best travel buddies.  You won't stop laughing if you're with them. 

The 'Richard Parker's at my back heading to the big boat as we were heading back to reality. 

For those who like to visit the place, just let me know. I'll be at help as I want you to also experience and be amazed with  the D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C beauty of the islets of  Iloilo, that still setting aside how warm the Ilonggos are. 

Until my next adventures, 

Mai 

Note: Photos are taken using my Iphone.