I once had a dear friend

I am so proud of you, Mai!  You deserve all of this, Mai. This is a true testament of your hard work, patience and good heart. Keep safe always and don’t forget to pray. I miss you. Mwah! – These lines are music to my ears but what makes it more precious  is it came from a friend who had seen me at my worst – broken, struggled, suffered, betrayed, rejected and eventually survived, moved on and strived to be better.

I wish to hear those lines from her again but it will never happen, not in this lifetime.

Time has gone forever. But before I carry on, I have to write and feel the memories to always remember that I had once a dear friend.

She is a friend to lean on. She is rare and definitely for keeps. She is a friend that never I doubted her love and sincerity. I guess, our personality jived and we stayed good friends since college because we both are stubborn and complex but despite our complexity we love deeply and unconditionally. 

After college, we do not see often. We have our own lives, in different path. She is settled with a happy family while I am busy with my nomadic lifestyle but, still, the friendship remains.

We had been partners. If one of us is weak and is about to loss one's sanity, either of us would be strong to strike the balance, to think things objectively as it should be.

We never tolerated our mistakes. We both remind each other to do what is good and best. If one of us is not on the right path, we pull each other and make sure to be back on the right track.

We give the most harsh and honest comments to each other, she is good at it more than me though. But we always value those and find it the sweetest gesture. 

I can even remember, weeks after my Papa was diagnosed with cancer, she just popped up on Facebook and sent me this message: “Mai, pahulay –pahulay pud kay haggard na kau kag dagway. (Mai, take some time to rest because you look so haggard.)

She is a selfless friend that will never leave a friend behind and would even do the silliest things to make you happy.

Way back college, she with my friends tried to surprise me. They asked my crush to give me a rose and a big box of Toblerone while we were on an event but since I am more than wise when it comes to surprises. They failed, pissed off and ended up eating the chocolate. Stupid isn’t it? 

That’s how blessed and honored I am to have her.

But last October, I was shattered to hear that she got ill. Her body became so frail due to TB Meningitis. She can’t talk, move her body and even open her eyes.

I kept on calling her over the phone, assuring her that she have us, her friends aside from her family, and telling her she got cheerers, fighting alongside with her. I believed that she would get through it because that’s how I have known her – a warrior. 

She will always gives a good fight on her chosen battles.

Last December, I had the chance to visit her after coming back from my recent lone trip. I knew my heart will be broken seeing her suffer but I had to have the courage to see her and cheer her on in person.

Talking to her over the phone from the past months had been a torture but seeing her suffering was unimaginable beyond words.

She looked so frail. She was so skinny. You would give the impression that she would get only skinnier and littler each day. There was no sign of life in her flesh, only the barest traces of what had been once a good life with a heart-shaped tattoo on her chest that she had before we became friends.

I was sitting beside her with her husband and 5-year-old child Keisha. I noticed every detail of her and how her sickness changed her physically. Half of her head was bald due to the shunt surgery. She had tube on her nose since she was so sick to eat through her mouth. She can’t talk but as soon as she saw me, she was trying to utter words but her frail body can’t make it.

I called her name; she opened her eyes and I saw tears on her eyes. I didn’t know if she recognized me but I hope she knows that she is cared and loved the same way she does to me.

I tell you, with the nature of work I have, my heart had been broken many times, by hearing and seeing the struggles of people’s lives but seeing someone very close to you experiencing the unbearable pain was torture. But I have to fight back my emotions because she never wanted to see her family and friends uncomfortable. She would always remind us – her friends, to have fun and be crazy.

Before I left their home, I still had the chance to wipe her sweats, pull up the towel to cover her chest, put her stress balls on her hands and promised her to come back soon, hopeful that when I come back she will be feeling way better and start reading and replying to tons of get-well-soon messages on Facebook.

But later I knew, five days after my visit, it was the last time I saw her alive.

Rest in peace, Gretchen Tumindog- Bitayo.  I miss you big time but I have to be selfless, the way you taught me. I am totally letting you go today, a month after you died.

Greta with her big smiles. Mam, I miss hearing the Greta laugh. 

Death is not the opposite of life but it’s innate. – Haruki Marukami. 

Written under the pine trees of Dahilayan, Bukidnon while enjoying the tranquility of the forest,  seeing and overhearing the conversations of people enjoying the time with their  family and friends. 

Misadventure: Empty tumbler

#Tagbilaran, #Bohol, #Philippines

Time check: It's 4:30 in the morning.

In one of the budget hotels in Tagbilaran, Bohol which means there are no basic amenities.

I woke up early in the morning thirsty. I grabbed my tumbler without switching on the light. I was trying to get hold of, I found it and only to find out that my tumbler is empty.

Now, as I write this blog, I'm really very thirsty and is waiting for the stores which opens almost 6:00 in the morning.

So I'll remain thirsty and need to wait an hour and 30 minutes from now.


Lesson learned: Buy water before going back in the hotel even how tired you are.

Life of an aid worker: Lost and found!

#Tacloban, #Leyte, #Philippines 

It was a moment of utter desperation when I met Patrick three months ago.

He was hunched over on the debris littered ground sobbing as he told me how he’d been separated from his wife and children in the chaos of Typhoon Haiyan.

Photo posted on Facebook last November 11, three days after Typhoon Haiyan struck Tacloban City.

This is 27-year-old Patrick. He looks so tired and hungry. It's normal to see people tired and hungry here but what struck me is when I saw him sobbing making use of his bag as his pillow and falling debris as his blanket. He sobs out of misery. "I've been everywhere to look for my two children, my wife and my mother but I can't find them," Patrick lives near the seawall and his house was washed out by the strong winds and heavy downour of Typhoon Yolanda. Please pray for Patrick as he finds his family, pray for him to have strength and courage, and for all the typhoon survivors who have the same story as Patrick's.

I was struck, here was a 27-year-old man begging for the Lord’s mercy. He worried that his wife and children were among the bodies I’d seen cast alongside the road, on a horrific journey to Tacloban.

“I’ve been everywhere to look for my two children, my wife and my mother but I can’t find them,” he told me while gasping in between sobs.

It was a scene of absolute misery. I was crushed – my heart torn as I took in his situation, a young man my age who had seemed to have lost everything he held dear. As he huddled on an empty bag beside an uprooted tree I shared a few of my biscuits and some of my water, just to help him fill his hungry stomach.

As he started eating the biscuit, I stood up to leave. But before I started to walk again, a little voice told me to one more moment with Patrick. I asked him if we can pray together and he said yes. We covered our hands on top of each other and embarked on a prayer that left us both in tears.

“Lord, I know what we gave him is not enough but please give him comfort and his family. Help him find his mother, wife and two little children,” I prayed.

It was all I could offer before I had to continue with our assessment team in Tacloban. For the rest of the day, I encountered more and more bodies. I witnessed  people sobbing and grew more devastated by all the destruction.

When I left Tacloban a few days later, and World Vision began providing disaster relief assistance to the thousands of survivors, I would continually conjure up Patrick’s situation. To me, he was the face of the disaster – and I continued to pray for him.  

Soon thereafter, I urged my friends and family to pray for Patrick as well. I posted his photo and story on Facebook and asked for prayers for him as he searched his family. I asked for prayers to give him strength and courage and all for all the typhoon survivors who have the same story as Patrick.

As time wore on, and the weeks unfolded from Haiyan, I started to think less about Patrick and his family.

But just last Sunday, almost three months ago after Typhoon Haiyan, I was requested to return to Tacloban and prepare for a visit from World Vision Japan guests.

As the plane landed, I felt goosebumps. The experience of walking through and over the debris and bodies two days after Typhoon Haiyan was vividly returning to me. I continued to work planning the visit, but the experience was never far from me.

A day later, with a teammate, I rolled  into a local eatery for a late lunch. As I ate chicken curry I looked up and caught a familiar face.

It was Patrick. He was working as a server at the small restaurant.

Photo posted on my Instagram (mai_zamora) Haiyan: Remember Patrick? He is the man we met the day after we arrived Tacloban, four days after Typhoon Haiyan. He was the man sobbing of the lost of his mother, two children and wife. He was the man we prayed over,
shared our water and biscuits. I think,
you infact prayed for him also, the time when I posted his story on social media. Almost three months after Typhoon Haiyan,
I met him today in one of the stores after a long day in the field and I'm so happy and blessed to let you know that our prayer for Patrick was answered. Thank you friends for praying with him and thank You Lord for the answered prayer

A lump swelled in my throat. He smiled widely and took a seat at our table

 “By God’s grace, I found my family and they are safe. Our prayer was answered, Ma’am,” he said.

My heart sang. I was overjoyed.

I was trying to control my tears. I am amazed and still overwhelmed at how God revealed how powerful He is.

“As soon as I found them, after five days of being hungry searching for them, I knelt down and raised my hands thanking God for answering our prayer. At that time, Ma’am, I was about to give up and gave myself another three days to look for them. I was just praying that in case I couldn’t find them that they would just be safe,“ Patrick told me in the restaurant.

I asked him where his family was now living and Patrick said, “We live in a World Vision covered area and my family received relief goods from World Vision. We are very thankful to receive them. I wouldn’t have known where to look for food for my children if World Vision hadn’t help us.”

When I heard him say those words, without hesitation I asked to visit his family.

This afternoon with my colleague I visited Patrick’s home, catching him as he was hanging his children’s clothes to dry. We met four-year-old CJ and two-year-old James Patrick. We greeted his wife Ana Rose who just came from washing the laundry along the river, just a few meters away from their small makeshift house covered with a tarpaulin (waterproofed canvas).

His wife Ana Rose shared how they survived after Typhoon Haiyan.

“We had been hungry for almost a week. Most of the time, for days after the typhoon, my neighbours would just share a plate of rice for the four of us but of course we couldn’t eat much because our priority was for our children. We didn’t care if we are hungry as long as our children were not.

“The good thing is World Vision came and gave us relief goods with 30 kgs of rice, sardines and kitchen utensils. They gave us blankets, mosquito nets and a tarpualin that we use as our roof because our house was totally damaged by the strong winds during Typhoon Yolanda (local name of Typhoon Haiyan). We really didn’t know how we would have survived if World Vision didn’t help us. Thank you so much to all of you and to God for helping us to survive and for keeping our family complete,” Ana Rose says as she smiles while Patrick prepared lunch of CJ and James Patrick.

Tonight, hours after leaving Patrick’s home, I can feel God’s presence – even in the aftermath of the storm. Truly, God is real. God answers prayers and He never forsakes his children.

Thank you, Lord, for the answered prayers. 

Patrick with his precious gems. 

Haiyan: Yesterday, God led the way for me to meet Patrick again, almost three months after I first met him, then today I meet his family. Meeting his precious gems in their humble home has blessed me so much. Truly, God is real and He never forsake his children. Thank You, Lord.

Adventure: Same same but different

#Tacloban, #Leyte, #Philippines

Life of an aid worker: I've been almost five years in this line of work but I guess the only skills I mastered are packing up and wearing clothes in side A and B.

My travel essentials!  My bag is my mobile office and home. 

There is so much to learn in the field and there is no instance that I experienced and encountered the same situation, it's just almost the same.  As Vietnamese would say, "same same but different".


Cheers to everyone who can relate.

Misadventure: Confined!

Day 5! My left hand is getting painful each day especially if the nurse injects fluids on the dextrose, which happens three times a day.

Imagine anticipating for a bee sting three times a day and that's for five days,
that's how it feels. And other than that you have to wake up, at four in the morning, because the nurse gets in and he has to get blood sample. (And of course being away from your family if your sick is another story. I have been monitoring my parents who are in Manila for a three-day check-up but they don't have any idea that I am talking with them while I'm in the hospital.)

I'm just glad my tolerance has not yet taking its toll. Thank you to Apo Whang-od for preparing me to this. Being inked by her is still the most painful I ever experienced. Nothing can beat that.

Isla Gigantes summer adventure

"Sometimes, it's about daring, in challenging the impossible.

Sometimes,  it's about losing yourself,  in finding a different perspective. 

And sometimes, it's really just about hanging out with your friends and be a kid all over again." - quoting  host Captain Joy Roa of my favorite travel show, Asian Air Safari. 

Three years ago, I officially started my personal-tradition of traveling alone to a place where I never been and,  to add to the challenge, I make sure that everyone is a stranger to me. Call it risky. But yes, that is how I recharge myself.

I travel to dare and find myself  back. But traveling to hang out had not been my consideration. But my recent adventure, during the Holy Week proved me wrong.

I realized that Asian Air Safari host is right,  sometimes it's really just about hanging out with friends and just enjoy each other.

Just this weekend, I dared to join  Hiligaynon - speaking strangers with their adventure.  They're  the friends of my friends which I haven't meet before.  I just knew two - my friend and workmate, Belle,  and her friend Armie, and the rest were total strangers to me. 

That's it!

I don't want to talk more, I just want this message to come across:  Sometimes,  dare to join your friends' friend adventures to enjoy and appreciate different individuals and at the same time enjoy God's wonders.

Here are some of the adventures and God's wonders, only in  a remote island and  not yet tourist(y),  Isla Gigantes.

Because of my love for adventures and the beaches, I joined my friend Belle and her friends to go to Isla Gigantes. It's an island in Iloilo, Visayas, Philippines.

At first, I had this hesitations as I used not to travel with so many people and especially with strangers as I don't want to stress myself out with so many people when travelling.

Belle and I were heading to the island. It's an hour and a half from Estancia, a remote rural municipality in Iloilo which I love to visit often.

After an hour and a half ride, we were welcomed by this beautiful and dramatic sunset view. And since the island is a remote coastal village, they don't have a wharf.  Locals and tourists really walk to the shore.

Aside from very hospitable locals, starfishes and sea snakes are there to welcome you. 

Since Belle and I went there late, we strolled around the beach and take sunset photos while her friends were still enjoying their time in the cave.

While waiting for them to arrive, we were entertained by the villagers.  The village doesn't have electricity. They use generator sets from 6:00 to 10:00 in the evening to charge their phones, batteries  and other equipment they need for fishing. 

 Since it's a remote village, there are no hotels for you to have that comfort and  good sleep but they can offer you their house and they will cook fresh seafood of your choice, as you requested.

And in a  few minutes, her friends arrived. I was shocked to see a lot of them. It's my first time to travel on large number. They were 11, including a child named Yinyin,  which made me think if I can get a long with them knowing they are not my usual crowd. 

Here are the amazing islets of Iloilo  that I enjoyed with my new-found friends: 

This scene will welcome you every morning.  The locals in the island are so blessed. They eat fresh seafood all the time. 

This is how they harvest my favorite crabs.

Antonia Beach 

Yes, it's right. What you are seeing is a hill of scallops. And mind you, I never seen this before from my beach adventures. I guess this is only here in Iloilo.

Antonia Beach is one of the best place for swimming. The clear waters is so inviting that you don't want to stop enjoying it. The sand is even finer than Boracay.

Whoops, please don't get me wrong.  Though the waters and sand are better than Boracay,  I love Boracay still knowing the accessibility and the feeling of happiness it gives me. 

The rock formations look like a tail of a big crocodile.  Lolong, are you reincarnated? :P

Cabugao gamay 

The front side of the islet. I don't want to say more. The photo itself speaks the beauty of this islet. 

The clear waters of this islet is the best. The sand is so fine. You will really be  hesitant to step into the sea waters, ashamed that it will get dirty. :P

The other side of Cabugao islet. Mind you, the islet will give you 360 degress of amazing beauty. 

The perfect cone

Another hills of shells. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, isn't it?

Tangke

The facade of dramatic Tanki. I can't get enough of this majestic view. This is definitely a must-visit. You should not miss this place. It's the most visited place for risk-taker adventurers.

The waters here is so deep that boatmen use compressors when they diAnd they said, sharks visit this place often.

The boatmen tying those ropes for their excited visitors to reach the place behind those rock formations as soon as possible.

It's God's wonder. Totally breathtaking. Tip: If you got a brave soul, try to climb those stiff and 'very' rough rock formations for you to have a high angle view of Tanki. 

These are just some of the islets that we visited.After Tanki, we visited two more islets but unfortunately my phone was drained that I never had the chance to take a photo.

With this trip, I dared, I challenged the impossible, I loosen  up, I opened myself to different individuals who gave me different perspectives and most importantly I found new friends. 

These are the people I was with.  And until now, I can't even memorize their names but the memories we had is treasured.   They're few of  my  best travel buddies.  You won't stop laughing if you're with them. 

The 'Richard Parker's at my back heading to the big boat as we were heading back to reality. 

For those who like to visit the place, just let me know. I'll be at help as I want you to also experience and be amazed with  the D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C beauty of the islets of  Iloilo, that still setting aside how warm the Ilonggos are. 

Until my next adventures, 

Mai 

Note: Photos are taken using my Iphone. 

#valentinebummer

My Uncles- Ray and Jaime- with my cousins were outside the hotel room waiting for my my Aunties- Joy and Chona- who were getting ready for dinner. Out of boredom, my Uncle Jaime asked, "Mai, what type of guy do you prefer?" 

"I want a smart and a traveler man," I said.  Paul , my 20-year-old cousin, then said, "That's a tough standard, Mai". And everyone was laughing.  

Few nights after being on a hot seat  me and my cousins - Bogging, Bunsoy, Paul and Christine-  were strolling around Divisoria, in my hometown at Cagayan de Oro City  because I want them to have the glimpse of Filipino culture and somehow experience eating street foods, though they are raised in Filipino ways. 

While strolling , I met my friend from college. Surprised to see each other,  he ran towards me, hugged me and lift me up for seconds. My cousins just starred at us, amazed and shocked with our gestures, it was as if we haven't seen each other for such a long time.

And since I was with my cousins and my friend was with his friend, we parted ways and walked in different directions. 

Just few seconds after we lose our sight of my friend, my 15-year-old cousin Bunsoy said, with all confidence, 'Hey, I can sense that the guy likes you.'

Then everyone was teasing me with 'kilig' on their faces. I starred at them and was seeing their anticipation to hear from me that  I like the guy back. Then I said with a straight face, " Nah, he is guy!"

Their 'kilig' faces immediately turned out looking disappointed and everyone was just saying, "How come my  'gay'dar is off?"

We all just  laughed and kept looking for durian to cure their  disappointment.   What a #valentinebummer. 

Here are my cousins -- Bunsoy (in blue singlet), Christine, Paul (in the middle) and Bogging (in white tee) - who are excited to see me with a boyfriend.  See, that's how supportive they are. <3 

The wanderer on a Chocolate Hill

I am on the top of a chocolate hill now. All alone- breathing the fresh morning breeze, listening to the birds chirping, watching the countless Chocolate hills full of green lushes. It's awesome.

Yes, I am madly enjoying His wonder in a bird's eye-view now; it's almost perfect for a wanderer like me. And this will going to be perfect if the wanderer's Ultimate Buddy will speak to her and answer her wondering mind.

I am in silence and focused waiting for MUB to speak for Him to send His message, in any ways but He didn't

I wonder why! I guess it's not the right time yet. And as promised , I will be patient of waiting, I'm trying, just like You who have been so patient to me.

And since You're not giving the answers yet, I'll better go down to this Chocolate hill now.

Goodbye!

"All of life is an act of letting go but what hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye." - Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Ever since, I have been so hesitant to admit that I am hurt and I feel certain 'connection' with someone. (I don't call it love or in love, it's just connection for me.)

If  I'm hurt, I normally just be out of  someone's system without saying a thing. It's just a total silence; and if I feel that certain 'connection' with someone, I don't say a thing or show it at all, not until I am certain of someone's persistence and sincerity. And for  the record, I haven't told that yet.

All those had been my way of life and for those times it happened, I never had good closure. All those 'connections' turned out as if nothing happened.

And just now, I realized that it seems not right for me to continue this.

So now, I am learning and starting to say 'goodbye' to someone. He is the guy that used to caught me off-guard with his sweet and romantic gestures.

I just said it to him, few minutes ago. It was an informal goodbye though but I guess its enough said. And I hope this is a good start for me to totally let go and move on without having a heavy heart anymore.

And I am formally saying this to him now. I hope this will get through him:

It's about time to say goodbye!

The last time we've been together, sometime last year, I never said goodbye I usually say, 'see you' as I was expecting that I'd be catching up and seeing you again soon. I was that hopeful.

But when I chatted you, just few hours ago, I felt its about time to let go.I didn't feel the 'connection' we both used to have. It had gone cold.

I tried to catch up with you, for the 2nd time, but I guess the certain 'connection' we used to have already changed. It's not there anymore. And I won't be stupid enough to make another chances, for the third now.


I am hurt but ,still, I'm thankful for those fun and romantic moments we shared. I will never forget those. It was a fairytale moment to me as written on my blog - http://maizamora-storytellerandlonetraveler.blogspot.com/2012/10/that-moment.html - few months after we last saw each other.

Now, I'm totally letting go and leaving those feeling behind. I should have left it in the place where we first and last saw each other.

Goodbye!

A traveller's confession and lesson learned

Lesson learned: In traveling, be mindful and somehow be accountable to the person seating beside or next to you, even if she/he is a stranger.

'Ma'am, excuse me. Naa kay abay?,'a bus conductor said.'He was asking if there was someone seating beside me.

I removed my shawl wrapped on my face, looked at the seat beside me and I responded, with hesitations, 'wala' (none). I was really not sure If there was someone seating beside me.

Then the conductor informed the driver to proceed after the toilet break.

Cling and my friend was heading to an nine-hour bus ride to South Cotabato for a family-related mission, of course with the Lake Sebu adventure as our second priority.

I was so groggy since the bus left at 1:00 a.m. and I was seating on the conductor's seat before I was transferred in the passenger seat, three hours after the bus left Cagayan de Oro City.

Few minutes, after the bus left, I remembered that there is someone seating beside me. I am not sure if she is a gay or a woman though. And later I realized that the passenger seating beside me was left at the bus stop where it stopped for a toilet break.

I was so guilty and would want to tell the conductor that the passenger seating beside me was in toilet break. But I realized, we were too far already and it's impossible to go back since the place it is a rebel-infested place and close to where the infamous Ampatuan massacre, where a lot of people was buried alive using a backhoe, was done.

Out from my big guilt, I just wrapped my face with my shawl the duration of the trip, afraid that everyone in the bus would now that a passenger seating beside me was left in one of the bus stop overs.

For the whole duration of the trip, I was crossing my fingers, hopeful that no one would know. And every time the bus stops, I am hopeful that the concern is not about the passenger we left because of me.

I was so worried for the driver and conductor to be suspended because a passenger was accidentally left there. And of couse worried for the passenger. I know how cold it was since it was still 4:00 in the morning.

After nine hours, I am so glad that no one asked about it. And the driver and the conductor were not put in a bad light.

Now, I know how most people feel whenever they have terribly bad. The guilt feeling is a feeling of deep agony for me. I know it was not a big mistake for me but of course I am also accountable to the passenger beside or next to me, even if she/he is a stranger. hihi.

I will never do it again...that's a promise!