I have had been known and seen alone, most of the times; a woman who distress alone; a woman who solves the problem alone; and a woman who loves to travel alone.  

Being alone has been my comfort zone, even on weekends. I prefer spending  my weekend  travelling alone where I breath the fresh air, see the clear skies or and the blue seas or just stay in a room, wherever place I am at.

As the saying goes, "Alone doesn't have to mean lonely".  It has been my motto ever since but not until this March, not until my Papa was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Since March, the situation has changed. Most of the times, I have been so preoccupied with my fears and worries. Lonesome drowns me.

Coping up with all these have been a struggle. What's keeping me sane are messages, in any forms.  Just like the messages I received last night,  two messages in a form of a text message and from the the movie I watched.

The movie produced by a Bollywoord actor and producer Aamir Khan, one of the actors of 3 Idiots,  has moved me so much. I can’t put into writing any word that describes the entire movie.  I am just so in awe of Ishan, the little boy in the movie. And the story blow me away. 

I see myself on the little child. Almost every scene touched me. I can’t have enough of it, I didn’t event mind watching it for the 2^nd time just after finishing it last night.  The messages strike me, as if M(y) U(ultimate) B(uddy) is the one speaking to me. 

And in random here are those messages:

Don’t lose hope

There are breaths of fresh air

Setting up free

Discover yourself

Knowing who you are

Your potential is endless in the sky

Fly on; Fly high

Free your mind

You will find your purpose where you find your happiness

While watching the movie, my workmate Ate Jing texted me about work and asked me about personal things which matters to me most now - my father who is fighting against colon cancer;  Her message blow me away that I end up  weeping, tears running on my cheeks; it didn't even stop until I finish writing this piece.

And I quote, “Ma relate lagi naho nganha nimo ang story sa man nga gipa push sa daku nga stone. Gikapoy na siya sa kabug-at sa iya task pero wala siya kabantay nga because sa ka bug-at  nga task na develop iya musles. Ingana pud ka Mai.” (I can relate your story to man who was task to push a big stone. He was too tired to carry it but he didn’t notice that because of how heavy the task was he didn’t realize that his muscles were developed. You are just like him, Mai)

I didn’t know how and why it happened but I guess MUB must been so worried about me. He might be so worried on the thoughts running on my mind - all these fears and worries that I can’t speak to those around me, except those I trusted the most.

The messages I got makes me feel MUB’s presence. I know all these messages didn’t come in coincidence. It came with a great purpose. It came to remind me that despite all those fears and worries, on my mind and heart, which I think are too heavy for me to carry shall end.  That the star that almost loses its brightness will come back and be found again.

Lord, I know you are there and I promise not to lose the light, it will be back on shining.  One of your little stars will be back on shining. I promise!