I am so proud of you, Mai! You deserve all of this, Mai. This is a true
testament of your hard work, patience and good heart. Keep safe always and
don’t forget to pray. I miss you. Mwah! – These lines are music to my ears but what makes it more precious is it came from a friend who had seen me at my worst
– broken, struggled, suffered, betrayed, rejected and eventually survived, moved on and
strived to be better.
I wish to hear those lines from her again but it will never happen, not in this lifetime.
I wish to hear those lines from her again but it will never happen, not in this lifetime.
Time has gone forever. But before I
carry on, I have to write and feel the memories to always remember that I had
once a dear friend.
She is a friend to lean on. She is
rare and definitely for keeps. She is a friend that never I doubted her love and
sincerity. I guess, our personality jived and we stayed good friends since
college because we both are stubborn and complex but despite our complexity we love deeply and unconditionally.
After college, we do not see often.
We have our own lives, in different path. She is settled with a happy family
while I am busy with my nomadic lifestyle but, still, the friendship remains.
We had been partners. If one of us is
weak and is about to loss one's sanity, either of us would be strong to strike
the balance, to think things objectively as it should be.
We never tolerated our mistakes. We
both remind each other to do what is good and best. If one of us is not on the
right path, we pull each other and make sure to be back on the right track.
We give the most harsh and honest
comments to each other, she is good at it more than me though. But we always value those and find it
the sweetest gesture.
I can even remember, weeks after my Papa
was diagnosed with cancer, she just popped up on Facebook and sent me this
message: “Mai, pahulay –pahulay pud kay haggard na kau kag dagway. (Mai, take
some time to rest because you look so haggard.)
She is a selfless friend that will
never leave a friend behind and would even do the silliest things to make you
happy.
Way back college, she with my
friends tried to surprise me. They asked my crush to give me a rose and a big box of Toblerone while we were on an event but since I am more than wise when it comes
to surprises. They failed, pissed off and ended up eating the chocolate. Stupid
isn’t it?
That’s how blessed and honored I am
to have her.
But last October, I was shattered to
hear that she got ill. Her body became so frail due to TB Meningitis. She can’t
talk, move her body and even open her eyes.
I kept on calling her over the phone,
assuring her that she have us, her friends aside from her family, and telling
her she got cheerers, fighting alongside with her. I believed that she would
get through it because that’s how I have known her – a warrior.
She will always gives a good fight on her chosen battles.
She will always gives a good fight on her chosen battles.
Last December, I had the chance to
visit her after coming back from my recent lone trip. I knew my heart will be
broken seeing her suffer but I had to have the courage to see her and cheer
her on in person.
Talking to her over the phone from
the past months had been a torture but seeing her suffering was unimaginable
beyond words.
She looked so frail. She was so
skinny. You would give the impression that she would get only skinnier and
littler each day. There was no sign of life in her flesh, only the barest
traces of what had been once a good life with a heart-shaped tattoo on her chest
that she had before we became friends.
I was sitting beside her with her
husband and 5-year-old child Keisha. I noticed every detail of her and how her
sickness changed her physically. Half of her head was bald due to the shunt
surgery. She had tube on her nose since she was so sick to eat through her
mouth. She can’t talk but as soon as she saw me, she was trying to utter words
but her frail body can’t make it.
I called her name; she opened her
eyes and I saw tears on her eyes. I didn’t know if she recognized me but I hope
she knows that she is cared and loved the same way she does to me.
I tell you, with the nature of work
I have, my heart had been broken many times, by hearing and seeing the
struggles of people’s lives but seeing someone very close to you experiencing the
unbearable pain was torture. But I have to fight back my emotions because she
never wanted to see her family and friends uncomfortable. She would always
remind us – her friends, to have fun and be crazy.
Before I left their home, I still
had the chance to wipe her sweats, pull up the towel to cover her chest, put
her stress balls on her hands and promised her to come back soon, hopeful that
when I come back she will be feeling way better and start reading and replying to
tons of get-well-soon messages on Facebook.
But later I knew, five days after my
visit, it was the last time I saw her alive.
Rest in peace, Gretchen Tumindog-
Bitayo. I miss you big time but I have
to be selfless, the way you taught me. I am totally letting you go today, a
month after you died.
 |
| Greta with her big smiles. Mam, I miss hearing the Greta laugh. |
 |
| Death is not the opposite of life but it’s innate. – Haruki Marukami. |
Written under the pine trees of Dahilayan, Bukidnon while enjoying the tranquility of the forest, seeing and overhearing the conversations of people enjoying the time with their family and friends.
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